My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize