i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
