did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize