im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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