If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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