Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize