you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
