I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And then he peed in my hair
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