So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
