So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
