There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
