Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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