There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
