I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
