can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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