You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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