It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
