Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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