I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
