"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
