Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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