I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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