new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize