I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
