My underwear smells like fireworks.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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