think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
