he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
