walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
