Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
