lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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