i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
