Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
