We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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