she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
