she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize