What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
