just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
