she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
