i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
