you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
cat food counts as protein by the way
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
