i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
