She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
