I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
