Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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