Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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