My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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