Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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