i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
