Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
