What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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