If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
