You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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