There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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