I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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