i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
