Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
