I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
People in love make me want to vomit
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
