Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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