How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
