so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
