I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
